i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
