I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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