pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
