forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
