Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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