Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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