And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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