Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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