i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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