you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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