It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
