I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
