im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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