I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
