he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
