How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
