dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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