i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
