talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
