Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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