I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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