If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
