My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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