went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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