Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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