Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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