Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dick has a subreddit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
