The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
