I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
