I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
