I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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