I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
