I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
