Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
