I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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