The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
