I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
