Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need water and some morals
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
