i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
