You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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