I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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