You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
