I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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