Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
