So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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