It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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