come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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