Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
