this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
