I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
