Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
